In Defense of the MTV Movie Awards

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MTV is completely pointless. It doesn’t even do the thing which replaced it’s older, apparently better thing. I’m not entirely sure what the hell it does now.

Seriously ask yourself: what is the backbone of MTV programming? I just looked it up and discovered it is “Teen Wolf.” I work every day for a teen entertainment/gossip site and swear to god I thought it was on the CW.

MTV is just a thing that Is. It Is because it Is. It’s like finding yourself at a Chili’s and saying, “Really? It was $95 for four people?” before rolling over and accepting it. You don’t understand the valuation. It just Is.

But I feel like the MTV Movie Awards deserve a special mention for being the best awards show I saw this season. >>>

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Kiss Fucking Sucks

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Over the last few months I’ve gotten more and more frustrated with journalistic pieces that basically answer a question with a talmudic shrug.

Like this one! Which basically brings up a gnarled mass of an idea, drops it onto your table, and then walks away whistling like we’re about to start the Andy Griffith show.

Chuck Klosterman, however, is doing the lord’s work creating an unapologetic apology for his unending love for Kiss—a band which, by any reasonable measure, is the worst thing that has ever fucking happened.

Like the time Gene Simmons talked to Terry Gross: (more…)

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Insurance Dentata

In my slowly-increasing attempts to be an actual adult human who recognizes repercussions both emotional and physical, I have been taking myself to various medical professionals for the first time in a decade. This has the added bonus of tickling my hypochondria and making my employer provide something constructive toward my well-being.

I did not have any cavities but I did get a chipped tooth filled. In what should come as a surprise to no one, this is now retroactively not covered by my insurance for some reason.

On the plus side, I still have a dream once a week where my teeth fall out. There’s a certain thrill in waking up and discovering you still have all your teeth. And all I had to do was sleep!

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Gorillas are for eating

Today was a too-warm morning where I woke up late and struggled through a hazy LA commute. Such a morning almost necessitates sad bastard selections from the Rilo Kiley catalog.

The Initial Friend came out 15 years ago. It’s a great album you can’t really find it anywhere, which is a real shame.

We all came out a lot closer to 30 years ago and soon enough you won’t find us anywhere either.

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This is the coolest shit I have ever seen. If math class isn’t filled with gifs by now, they are letting kids down.

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The Time I Was The Worst pt. I

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I don’t know about you but once every hour or so my brain cues up a memory of a time I did something embarrassing, abhorrent, or just plain dumb. My brain does this wholly of it’s own volition but that doesn’t stop my entire body from locking up in a wave of white-hot, secret shame.

They say the way out is through, and with that in mind I, (and whoever else) will be cataloging each and every one of these moments once a week on Mondays when everything else is already just the worst.

In 2000, I was a freshman in high school so pretty much every day was something that would be etched into my wall of regrets. But this is the only time I managed to destroy an actual, real wall.

This particular time I was at a band party (marching, not anything cooler) which was being thrown at the house of an oboe player. She was very pretty with pale features and dark eyebrows—the kind it would take us boys a decade to appreciate with any real awareness… (more…)

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